It's turtles all the way down

Here are my turtles so far...

This Video Looked Better Last Night...

So, I'm sitting here, in the morning sunshine, listening to the sounds of little children screaming in my swimming pool. Things are ok. I think the best way summarize the past two weeks is by means of a short play:

Michelle: I slept with your boyfriend, I didn't know he was your boyfriend.

Julia: Oh.

Michelle: Want to stay with me?

Julia: Ok

The Dutchman: Michelle, you're a bitch.

Michelle: Fuck you.

The Dutchman's mother: Don't you DARE destroy my family!

Michelle: What??

(Austrian guy at work laughs manically)

Michelle's Boss: He's an asshole, and I don't think he'll be coming back.

(Musical interlude: Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead)

(Enter Emma)

Emma: Hello!

(Michelle slams thumb in dishwasher door and faints)

Michelle: I need a doctor

Pharmacist: I'm not a doctor but I think this is infected.

Michelle: what can I do?

Pharmacist: Rub this cream into it every day, and tell a doctor if your veins turn black.

Michelle: Ok. Let's go to the zoo, Emma!

(Michelle and Emma go to the zoo. Michelle gets bitten by a small monkey)

Emma: Time to go! Great trip!

Michelle: Goodbye!

(Michelle goes to work, catering for a group of 130 people)

Michelle: What kind of group is this?

Michelle's colleague: This is the youth branch of a Norwegian political party.

Michelle: What?? Like that group out on Utøya??

Michelle's colleague: Yes. Didn't you see all the police everywhere, and all the journalists?

(Michelle spends the next two hours planning her escape route, in case of sudden gunfire)

New Alcoholic Russian Chef: You know, in my country, police carry guns - these police - useless!

(Michelle survives the evening and goes home)

Ramses the Belgian Gigolo: Let me tell you, Michelle - you will never be rich, and the man you marry will not be the man you love.

Michelle: You're just pissed because it's Ramadan and you're hungry.

The End.

So yes, that was my life for the past two weeks, in a nutshell.

I've also been collecting bottlecaps - I have about 500 of them - I'm thinking of making a chandelier.

End sequence.

So I've decided to tell my Dutchman's girlfriend that he cheated on her with me (I didn't know he had a girlfriend, obviously).

So now I'm agonizing about it. What do I say? How do I broach this? It’s all well and good to have principles, but how exactly do you tell a girl that her boyfriend is cheating on her? “Hey, you! Yeah, you! I fucked your boyfriend!” Then I get my face punched.

Or maybe I go find the tent they are sleeping in, unzip the front entrance and invite myself in for a sombre and serious chat... One of those “You know why I’m here.” chats. “You know why I’m here," I say, thumbs in my gun-belt, "and I’ll give you one last chance to tell her yourself.”

But how do I know which tent is theirs? The one without loud grunts emanating from it? What if I’m wrong? Do I just knock on tents like some door to door homewrecker?
And how exactly do I soften the blow? What if she doesn’t even hear me out when I try to tell her? What if she attacks me? Maybe I should write it down.. Hand her a letter, telling her everything, with a post-script invitation to come stay with me. Maybe I can accompany my letter with a cake. I have all the ingredients. And everybody likes cake. But then, would that really soften the blow? Or would it just seem obnoxious? An “I screwed your boyfriend, let's be friends" cake."

Actually, I quite like the idea of having her around now. Of having a girl to talk to and to hang out with. We can do normal things to forget our shared woes - we can go kayaking, cycling, swimming, watch movies, eat unhealthy foods, drink white wine.. And we’ll take each others minds off the whole thing. And the Dutchman can sleep in the tent and dwell alone on everything.

Number 53

The number 53 keeps appearing everywhere for me. Firstly and most obviously, I live at No. 53.
It happens several times a day that when I look at the time it's time:53 (as in 7 mins to the hour).
The other day I told people about this because the number kept coming up places. Tom said that it's the second no. 53 he's lived at, the house he lived in when he was younger was 53. In the kitchen there was a bottle of wine called 'BIN53'.

When I was telling my friend Fern, she was freaked out and when she looked down at her can of cider, the alcohol content was 5.3%
My housemate had that photography book with a photo that looked really like me. Take a guess at what page number that picture was on. Yep, 53.

The other morning, I had a message from someone who I'd met on a night out and the last 2 digits of his number was 53.
I had forgotten and wasn't sure but my mum just confirmed it: the house I grew up in for 10 years was '153'.

Today I did the lotto.

http://www.goodmorningandgoodnight.com/?p=2804

Monday 14 March. I'm told today is Steak and Blowjob day but I didn't cook steak or get steak cooked for me or eat steak or suck any cock. It's also pi day (3.14) but I didn't eat pie or solve any equations.

Ugh, I hate Charlie Sheen. Who does he think he is?

I spent alot of my time today printing some photos I did and they've come out a shit colour (literally the colour of shit) and all the detail is messed up. *dramatic sigh*
Maybe cause the setting was to large and I printed them small so when I print them big, theyll be good. Better be. Fucking hell.

Anyway, I loved your letter- you're so poetic! And I'm really proud of you about everything- overcoming your fear of speaking 'norwedish' and going out there and finding jobs. Sounded like such a great adventure, I wish I'd been there!

St Patrick's day is thursday and I must not have the luck of the Irish on my side because I found out today that I have TWO presentations to do on friday so I can't be hungover on friday so it's going to be shit. I'm so gutted. I wanted to drink Guinness and get one of those stupid pint hats again..

Jeez, I'm almost an whiny as you!

Can't wait to come home at Easter! We need to go off and have an adventure.
We should go somewhere... Like Listonvarna.
I'll be back on the 11th. I hope you'll be in Limerick. I'm flying into Dublin but I'll be with my mum because she's visiting my sister in england before she jets off the Malaysia and coming back to dublin on the same day as me. I only have to wait for 40 mins or something. I think I'll sit in Starbuck's and buy an overpriced coffee. At least I won't have to get that diabolical Kavanagh coach to Birdhill. Fuck that.

Hmmm what else.. Friday was weird. I went to A's and there was quite a few people there, all boys and we all just sat in his room and watched stupid videos while we got drunk, stoned and munched these flower seeds which got us fucked.
This one guy got really sick and went to sleep in the spare room and asked everyone before he left to make sure someone came in and checked on him later to see if he was still alive.
I stayed over, it was about 6am by the time everyone had slumped off and I was lying on his bed, falling asleep, too fucked to go home and he let me stay. I kicked this other guy out his room because me and A were both in the bed and this guy was just like, at the foot of the bed like a dog or something and had covered himself in various people's coats and had a pillow and it was obvious he was intending to try and sleep there, or was alseep. I kept kicking him cause I couldn't streach my legs out and it hurt and after a while I told him to go and sleep on the couch.
And no, we didn't fuck. Maybe that's good. I was glad I didn't have to go home.

Meanwhile, exhibition is soon and we're setting it up next week which means I only have a week to do everything. I took some great photos but as I said they seemed to have printed shit and the mould I made to cast in glass has broken. (i've been in the workshops) So I have alot to do. Ridiculous really. I really want my piece to be good.. But I probably won't even invite people to the launch cause It'll be shit and I'll be embarrassed.

I'm gonna go chill out downstairs.

Peace

PS. The photos are: me with a henna tattoo I got done at a henna party and a pile of my clothes which are all clourful, I like it but thought it'd annoy you cause you're a goth