Michelle: I slept with your boyfriend, I didn't know he was your boyfriend.
Julia: Oh.
Michelle: Want to stay with me?
Julia: Ok
The Dutchman: Michelle, you're a bitch.
Michelle: Fuck you.
The Dutchman's mother: Don't you DARE destroy my family!
Michelle: What??
(Austrian guy at work laughs manically)
Michelle's Boss: He's an asshole, and I don't think he'll be coming back.
(Musical interlude: Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead)
(Enter Emma)
Emma: Hello!
(Michelle slams thumb in dishwasher door and faints)
Michelle: I need a doctor
Pharmacist: I'm not a doctor but I think this is infected.
Michelle: what can I do?
Pharmacist: Rub this cream into it every day, and tell a doctor if your veins turn black.
Michelle: Ok. Let's go to the zoo, Emma!
(Michelle and Emma go to the zoo. Michelle gets bitten by a small monkey)
Emma: Time to go! Great trip!
Michelle: Goodbye!
(Michelle goes to work, catering for a group of 130 people)
Michelle: What kind of group is this?
Michelle's colleague: This is the youth branch of a Norwegian political party.
Michelle: What?? Like that group out on Utøya??
Michelle's colleague: Yes. Didn't you see all the police everywhere, and all the journalists?
(Michelle spends the next two hours planning her escape route, in case of sudden gunfire)
New Alcoholic Russian Chef: You know, in my country, police carry guns - these police - useless!
(Michelle survives the evening and goes home)
Ramses the Belgian Gigolo: Let me tell you, Michelle - you will never be rich, and the man you marry will not be the man you love.
Michelle: You're just pissed because it's Ramadan and you're hungry.
The End.
So yes, that was my life for the past two weeks, in a nutshell.
I've also been collecting bottlecaps - I have about 500 of them - I'm thinking of making a chandelier.
End sequence.
